Unfortunately things look as though they are taking a new course of action, and a lot is due to change over the coming weeks/months. This is mainly due to a very difficult relationship breakdown, and a need to get away from a life that didn't fit quite right...

Watch this space.....?

No escape routes!

I've got onto the social work course, after a grueling thirty minute interview in which I was almost in tears as I thought I had done so badly! I am extremely pleased, but also very unsettled as I find it very hard to make big decisions that can determine the rest of my life. Even if the choice seems quite easy on paper, and you know that it will be good for you - I still shy away from commitment. I think that is also true in relationships, friends, boyfriends and family, and I can be self destructive in order not to feel so trapped. I need to stop pretending that I can flit through my life being half arsed about things and make a decision and stick to it. I also need to stop using safety nets and escape routes, as I will take then when the going gets tough, instead of seeing things through. Also, without an escape route I will hopefully stop trampling on people as I head towards the door.

name...

Jack???

nap time

treat time!

Having a small creature to look after is an amazing privilege, but you don't get any work done. If you are not cleaning up after it, re-filling their water dish after a swimming session, or just watching in fascinated horror as he attempts to shred the entire bookcase, frame and all. Even when he is asleep he stops the work from being done, as he is just too cute to not stare at and cuddle. And, if by some small miracle you do manage to focus on the laptop or writing pad, he wakes up in annoyance at the strayed attention and crawls onto your lap/ keyboard/ notepad, before going back to sleep. Even as I type this, he is chewing the corner of my laptop but as he is adorable I'm just going to let him do it.

Book shop bargains

you never know what you are going to get when you go into an old dusty bookstore, apart from the obvious- Dust and books. I have always loved the thought of being one of those antique dealers who scurry around the shelves and find rare editions, and special finds that they buy for 50p off the poor unsuspecting book dealer and flog on eBay for thousands of pounds... and the other day this dream became glorious reality, and I was able to scam my very own unsuspecting book dealer. Dreams really do come true.

I went to Brighton for the very first time last week, and it was as good as I imagined it would be - I ate ice cream on the stony beach and wandered through the winding streets getting run over by students on bicycles and old people with zimmer frames. I went into alternative clothes stores and tried tye-dye dresses on, before realizing I was turning into my mum and hastily made my exit from the incense and the windchimes. It was down one of those streets that I saw the little bookstore, and once inside the walls were covered with books from floor to ceiling - and a iron wrought spiral staircase lead me down to the basement. It was awesome.
I browsed through the old editions of children's classics and poetry, pretending I knew what I was looking for when my eye caught a hardback edition of harry potter. I'm not really a harry potter fan, but it was the only book I recognized, so I picked it up. I turned to the front cover and saw that it was FIRST EDITION!! I knew enough about books to realize that this was a good thing, so I turned to the price tag and saw £1.50! I casually strolled to the bearded cashier and handed the book over, slightly disappointed that it had a card machine (it didn't fit in with my idea of the 'olde bookshop' fantasy)

Sure enough, the first edition is going for around £60 on ebay, so I've swindled my first bargain. Hustler!

puppy has taken up gardening and is ignoring me.

Puppy is starting to get annoyed at his namelessness, I think he is farting lamb and gravy whiffs just to state his quiet rage. As you can see from the picture he has taken over the planting of the 'gladiolus', which he informs me are tall perennial herbs, that originate from the iris family. I thanked him for this. I must admit, my slow decision making process over his name is not a good way to assert my domination as master of the pack, and puppy is starting to walk all over me. And I'm starting to fear that if I don't name him soon the name faeries will replace him with a changeling, and then I dread to think who I could end up with - it could be Boris Johnson for all I know.

I have made a small list of possible names;

chai (a favourite to win as my love of chai lattes is still going strong.)
Sawyer (...)
chewbacca (Tobi's favourite, but I don't want to put across an image of me being a die hard starwars fan, my street cred is already running on its reserve tank....fine, it expired years ago. after a brief appearence during my stint as 'oldest student' in the class of '96)
Kojak (it just sounded awesome at the time, right up until the point people started laughing in derision)
The nameless one (not something you can abbreviate easily, but starting to look like an attractive option. He might even start his own cult, which would be something to tell the extended family at christmas.)

I hate the feeling of being bored. It is one of the most soul destroying feelings around, that suddenly itch that you know you are running out of things to fill the time. There is good boredom, where you can sit and stare at out of the window and daydream, I think everone should have a shot of window staring at least once a day, but when the bad bordom decides to strike it can suck you in until you can hardly bear to walk to the kitchen to put on the kettle.
Don't get me wrong, there is nothing I like more than having free time on my hands, and anyone will tell you that, but it has to be productive or I start to feel frustrated! I love reading and writing, although I've been falling asleep after every second page the last couple of days - (might be time to stop reading 'Dick and Jane' books, and read something a bit more challenging) but I have recently tried glass painting and candle making, which I used to do when I was younger. The results are pretty horrific, but there is nothing better than seeing a finished piece of work that you made all by yourself...even if the glass I painted on was probably worth more before I 're-designed it'. And thats saying alot as it was a bargainous 20p from my local cats protection charity shop.

puppy

puppy love!

I have just started this blog as an online diary, and to experiment with different writing styles - and so to start things off I thought I would focus on the new addition to my life - a brand new puppy! He is a chihuahua/Lhasa apso, and at almost eight weeks he is already taking over and has eaten my favourite scarf.

There is a problem however and I'm running out of ideas. The problem is, is that he still doesn't have a name and is being called 'puppy' at the moment, not the most original name in the box and I just hope I think of something before he graduates to being called 'dog'.

I really don't know why I am struggling to think of a name, maybe because he is going to hopefully be around for a long time and I don't want to be calling out 'snuggles' if he turns out to be a bit of a hound dog. And I think I'm going through a bit of an undecided time at the moment, and I'm struggling to even decide on what to eat for breakfast most days!

If anyone has any ideas PLEASE help!